Do you and your spouse have too many differences with each other to be compatible? The answer to this is: If you insist on similarity to make your relationship work, plan on spending a lot of your quality time by yourself.
Difference should not be a problem in your marriage because differences are a necessary component for finding, keeping, and sharing the love in life all marriages want. When one spouse resists the other’s differences, they risk losing the love they would like and need to develop.
We all have individually. The attempt to make a homogenous relationship is futile. All persons are intricately designed and formed. Psalms 139: 13, 14 says: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb. I am wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous, and how well I know it. (TLB)
There is contrast between immature and mature love. Immature love seeks sameness and similarity. The beginning of your love and life together began with similarities. These likenesses were the early glue that began to make a bond between two individual people. Mature love shares ideas and agrees to disagree. As your relationship developed, mature love should have supplanted immature love. While the two of you maintained and enjoyed your similarities, your differences began to emerge, as is normal. In mature couples, this is a positive thing. Your life and perspectives are enhanced and stretched by your spouse’s varying views and experiences.
Love will always seek growth. It should never be threatened by differences; but should enjoy them. Because of your differences, you will see your spouse as interesting, but sometimes challenging. These things should show you new ways of relating to life together. Think about the “we” not just “me.”
Couples are different in a lot of ways. Next week we’ll discover some differences you may face (My thoughts, with Rescue Your Love Life, pp., 87, 88).