A Nudge

Have you ever need a nudge to encourage you to get something done? In your marriage it should be a healthy and balanced confrontation intended to produce a good relational result. In that case a nudge can be a helpful and positive thing.

Relationships in marriages often need nudges. The person who knows you best should see who you are, and who you can be. A gentle nudge from your spouse can go a long way when administer with the right intent and done with the right attitude. And it should never come across as nagging. When nudging is done right it will be acceptable in your marriage and you will both gain a reconnection which ultimately leads to intimacy.

Nudges have to do with seeing that each of you can be more than you are right now, but also helping each other to be on the right path in your relationship. In your heart you both have expectations of each other. Ideally, you are to love each other enough to expect your spouse to grow into more than they are right now.

Everyone wants their spouse to be a better person. Perhaps even more loving, romantic, responsible, honest, or spiritual. Everyone also desires to connect better. We also want our spouse free of bad habits and possibly addictions (of some sort). Your love for your spouse drives you to desire these things. It’s always the best for both of you to be deeply connected.

So, having higher expectations of your spouse does not mean that you don’t accept your mate. No one grows or changes from the heart unless they are first accepted as they are. Acceptance and expectations are considered partners in intimacy.

Don’t let yourself be critical or unaccepting because of your spouse’s standards, requirements, or expectations. One might say, “If you love me, love me as I am.” But the answer to that is, “I do love you as you are. But, if I didn’t want you to be more than you are, I would not really be loving you.” Expectations, challenges, and rules are good for both of you and for your love life. When you have reasonable and good standards, you are defining what you want and need. You are establishing a healthy structure for love to grow.

So nudge when nudging is necessary, but in a loving way. That way you are letting your spouse know what could graciously help you to be happy together. (My thoughts with Rescuing Your Love Life, pp., 82, 83).


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