Relationship Killers
One of the biggest relationship killers around is comparing the person you love to a fantasy. The truth is, a real person can never match up to the fantasy. The fantasy of being with that person is far from what actually being with them would really be like. When you are unhappy you start fantasizing that if you could just find that better person, then you could really be in love. If the truth be known, what you are fantasizing about does not exist, and the comparison inhibits your ability to love the person you are with.
True love can only exist with a less-than-perfect person, since the world contains no other kind. The fantasy of finding someone perfect is just that, a fantasy. There is a lot of love out there waiting to be found. But to find a solid love connection, the fantasy of the perfect mate has to die. Too often a couple that marries didn’t take the proper time to get to know each other before taking the marital vow. And living together before marriage is not the answer, and should never be an option when following God’s commands.
Many couples engage in this kind of fantasy every day with disastrous results. They allow themselves to get attracted to someone who possesses a quality that catches their attention and that person becomes the standard to which they compare their spouse, and their marital connection gets soiled. “Oh, my spouse doesn’t measure up in this or that area.” Now the marital connection has broken down to where in mind, the real does not compare to the fantasy.
Those who indulge in this kind of fantasy don’t realize that the image in their mind is not a real person, but rather an “ideal image” that shouldn’t exist. The quality they admire in the fantasy person is not seen in the context of a real relationship, with real problems involving all that person’s inevitable imperfections, conflicts, and selfishness. Focusing on the fantasy destroys what they could have with the spouse they should be devoted to. Too often a spouse will not only fantasize and cause damage to their relationship and love life, but they actually leave the marriage to chase an empty fantasy. (My thoughts with Rescuing Your Love Life, pp, 70-72. To Be Continued)
Sherry