Balance in Your Relationship
The balance in a relationship isn’t always 50/50. In most relationships one spouse tends to take more initiative, and the other is more responsive. This doesn’t mean that the dominant one is mean, but that it sometimes is just a natural tendency to be assertive, and to make decisions. Both spouses need to take a good look at the patterns their lives together follow.
A central question the less dominant spouse may ask is, “If I do want to speak up more, will I have the freedom and support from my spouse to do so?” A healthy indicator is that the initiative taker is always looking for, asking for, or is truly open to the feelings and opinions of their more recluse spouse.
In some situations one spouse may truly be domination and not allowing mutuality, while the other spouse feels controlled, unloved, and dismissed on a regular basis. You will definitely have a disconnection from each other in this kind of scenario. It is very important for it to be addressed and resolved.
MANY couples who are trying to rescue their love lives struggle with this one-sided problem. There’s always the “peace at any price” motto, but what they generally get is not the true peace that brings warmth and vulnerability. What they get is more of a make-shift truce. While the lopsided relationship may seem calm and without conflicts on the exterior, the couple knows that underneath there is no genuine happiness (and forbid that anyone else knows this). So they very carefully act out as though nothing is wrong.
No one wants a sense of alienation, disconnection, deep hurt, or in some cases living quietly with an anger issue coming from your spouse. No one likes to talk about their problems either, lest they be labeled weak in some way.
The peaceful and reliant solution to all of your life dealings is to seek to know Jesus the Comforter in any situation. You don’t have to share with others. Jesus is the problem solver and will listen like no other. It’s simple, it’s trustworthy, and it’s the best way. He can solve what seems to you to be an unsurmountable issues. You just need to trust Him and, by all means be patient. And if you don’t have patience, ask for that (probably many times) while your at it (My thoughts with Rescue Your Love Life, pp. 62, 63).
Sherry