Who is Your Spouse

Think about accepting the fact that you and your mate are not fully complete. You must give up the idea and possible demand that your spouse be other than who they are and start dealing with them in a new and accepting light.

To begin with, you must accept your spouse as an incomplete person. That sounds harsh, but when you think about it, that’s just how God accepts you. With all you have accept the reality with an open mind in a loving way. Don’t protest with anger, nagging, or in some cases with shame or condemnation. Think of it as how you would like to be treated. Put the shoe on your own foot.

Take a good look at the areas where you are incomplete before focusing on your spouse’s incompleteness. You definitely have incompleteness too. Pride is what will stop you from looking at yourself as not being incomplete, and that is pure, unadulterated selfishness. As Matthew 7:5 puts it “Get the plank out of your own eye first.”

Be a model for change. Communicate! Then ask your partner where you need to develop more. For a self-righteous person this isn’t going to be easy. Begin by asking what incomplete areas of your personality affect him or her most. It isn’t going to be easy, but then marriage is a daily thing to work on, because it’s a daily attempt at staying in love in the deepest and most gentle way.

Be supportive. Don’t be judgmental, but try and work as the teammates that you are. Talk when you have time to sit down together, where there aren’t distractions. If you have something you want to do badly enough you find time for that. So find time for your spouse…….it’s very important! Create a safe place. Talk with an open mind and a soft voice. There should be no judging, no shame, no guilt, and definitely no anger.

Focus on the things that you feel are most important. Address the real needs for making your home a place where peace abounds and love becomes fun again. By helping each other grow in those areas you will realize it is more important than some of the petty stuff you might tend to fight over.

Remember patience. God is patient with you on a daily basis. Do the same for your spouse. God loves you unconditionally and that’s how you must look at it when it comes to your marriage (My thoughts with Rescue Your Love Life. Pages 52, 53).