Marital True Needs
Emotional Connection: Empathy, support, care, listening, understanding, and trust are all parts of what creates an emotional connection. THAT’S WHAT COMES THROUGH THE ABILITY TO HEAR AND UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. Emotional connection is the basic sense of being present with each other in a way that ends isolation, alienation, and aloneness.
Love will only thrive in an atmosphere where there is freedom in the marriage. If there is control, manipulation, or an inability to have an identity apart from your partner, love will die. You have a real need to set each other free from any and all kinds of control. This means you don’t punish each other for time apart, choices you don’t agree with, and tastes you wouldn’t choose.
You need to enjoy each other’s individuality and differences. Also invest in each other becoming the best individuals you can be. This will help your relationship rejuvenate. Having a good relationship not only serves the needs of your relationship but also the individual needs of each other. GIVING EACH OTHER FREEDOM IS THE FOUNDATION OF LOVE ITSELF. Then you need to act responsibly with the freedom you are given.
Forgiveness. Everyone is a sinner and sin means that we miss the mark of perfection and create an offense to someone. Be aware that having to forgive is going to happen in every relationship – that’s reality! If a relationship is not strong enough to handle sin and failure then it’s not strong enough to handle reality. Our sin and failure create a huge need for forgiveness. If you feel you need to justify your feelings by punishing your spouse for failure and you don’t forgive, your relationship will most definitely suffer damage and possibly die.
Don’t let things go that far if indeed you have traits that you feel you need to dominate your spouse. Taking counsel and following advice from someone or a reading source from a marriage counsel book is a good start for mending your marriage. Any time soon is a good time to find something that will help your marriage. Setting apart a time to have together time in your marriage with a marital help book will lead you toward seeking common ground. NO pointing fingers. But accept words of council for yourself so both of you can have a calming discussion as to how to get along. You don’t want to feel like you’re being pressured or under duress. Ask God for a calming spirit and a will to do what is right for your marriage. He is your best source of help (My thoughts with Rescue Your Love Life, pp. 46, 47)
More advice to come next week.
Sherry