Self-Centeredness

As a grown-up you should be able to step out of your own point of view and enter the world of others’ feelings, their values, experiences, and their opinions. If you are mature you need to put yourself aside temporarily and listen to, and try to understand what the other person (namely your spouse) is feeling. When you or your spouse do not take the time to readily engage at this level, it is because of your (their) own self-centeredness. Sometimes it can also include detachment. A detached person is more disconnected than self-absorbed. Although you can get to the detachment stage because you yourself are a very selfish person and you just don’t see it in yourself. (A note: everyone has selfish tendencies). There are deep inner feelings bouncing around in the hearts of disconnected people, which means there is a learning process that needs attended to in seeking how to communicate. That needs to happen way before it gets to the detachment stage. Many marriages can be saved if you can learn to communicate before the ground has quaked and swallowed up your love life. The sad part is that too many don’t even know they need help, or they are too afraid to ask for help. And there are those who no longer care, and they pursue finding “love” from someone else, and in doing so they ignore what should be the right thing to do. So, as one old saying goes, “That’s how the cookie crumbles.” This is a good time to get past your pride. Do you want to share happiness with your spouse, or continue on just living in shadows, always covering up when you are around other people? There are way too many couples living with shame, loneliness, and sadness. It doesn’t have to be that way. Seek God, He can fix any situation and it’s way beyond how you can imagine His remedies could be. Read books on how to help marriages (most of all, pay attention to, and heed to the suggestions). Seek a friend that has a happy married life, and you will find, more than likely it’s because it’s a God centered life. Take the steps needed to get healthy in your marriage (if you struggle there) and enhance that dreamed about love life (A few thoughts from Rescue Your Love Life, page 21, with my added thoughts). Sherry