Making Changes for the Good

There are times you need to say what is NOT okay. Does your spouse know specifically what attitudes and behaviors hurt you, distance you, and will no longer be tolerated by you? These things might include withdrawal of your love, being passive, controlling, being irresponsible, deceptive, or showing the ugly side of yourself that many of us carry as baggage - self-centeredness. Have you come across harsh, if or when you expressed those things that you no longer want to tolerate?

Marriage is a give and take (in a loving way) journey. The things mentioned above are things you can bring to light so your spouse knows what will help both of you solve the problem, meet your needs, and bring you closer together. The two of you need to work at drawing a line, so you’ll both know if you cross it. You can’t cry unfair unless you first share with your spouse what is not okay.

Your reactions will be your own reactions. Your spouse may certainly affect and influence you, but they don’t dictate or control how you feel and react. You must control your own reactions. When you approach your spouse with a blaming attitude, you force them to defend his or her self, rather than focusing on the problem. Face your problem(s) with grace and start moving in the right direction. It’s good to take the initiative and be positive in your dealings with the problem at hand.

Sometimes counsel is needed, but in the long run turning to God with a pleading and open heart and mind will give you more peace and recovery than any counselor. God has a mysterious way of helping in any situation if you allow Him to work in your life. God always has the perfect ideas and answers. Just keep turning it over to Him in your sorrows, temptations, and guilty feelings.

Become a healthy person. You can grow personally, emotionally, and spiritually. Get to know God and in turn you will get to know yourself. Your goal is to become loving, caring, defined, honest, responsible, and most of all humble.

A healthy person inspires a very strong incentive for your spouse to change. If you can show that you are a growing person, a person with a positive personality, it will help take down that tall fence barrier.

May God give you the initiative and strength (My wording with ideas from Rescue Your Marriage, p. 34-35).

Sherry