Love Lets the Other Win

If you were asked to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree, you’d likely be able to do it without thinking very hard and probably even name a few more. If pointing out your spouse’s faults is an ongoing problem in your home, it won’t go away unless one of you starts doing some giving in. Unfortunately, stubbornness come as a standard feature on both husband and wife models. Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make-up. It’s hurtful and detrimental inside a marriage relationship. It steals time and productivity and will cause a great deal of frustration for both of you. Sometimes being stubborn is not all bad. Some things are worth standing up for and protecting. Your priorities, morals and obedience to God should be guarded with great effort; but done so in a loving way. Other times, the stakes can be much higher. One of you would like more children; the other not so. One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn’t. One of you might think it’s time for marriage counseling, or to get more involved in your church, while the other doesn’t. Though these issues may not crop up every day, they keep resurfacing; and not going away. You continue on with life never seeming to get any closer to a resolution or compromise. It’s like driving with the parking brake on. There’s only one way to get beyond what is called stubbornness. It’s by becoming willing. It’s an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate your conversations. And the best example to follow is in the progression of Jesus selfless love. As God, He had every right to refuse becoming a man, but yielded and did so because He was willing against all odds. He had the right to be served by all mankind, but came to serve us instead. He had the right to live in peace and safety, but willingly laid down His life for every man’s sins. He loved, He cooperated, and He was willing to do His Father’s will instead of His own. Philippians 2:5 says, “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.” The attitude of willingness, flexibility, and humble submission means laying aside your own wants for the good of others and for what you have the right to claim for yourself. All it takes for your present arguments to continue is for both of you to stay entrenched and unbending. But the very moment one of you says, “I am willing to go your way on this one,” the argument that may have started will be over. And though the follow-through may cost you some pride and discomfort, you have made a loving, lasting investment in your marriage. You say you might look foolish, or you might lose the fight. You’ve already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to be a listener. You’ve already lost the fight by making this issue more important than your marriage and your spouse’s sense of worth. You may have already lost emotional control by saying things that got personal and hurt your mate. The wise and loving thing to do is to start approaching your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way. That’s not to say your mate is necessarily right or being wise about a matter, but you are choosing to give strong consideration to their preference as a way of valuing them. So instead of treating your spouse like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, start by treating them as your closest and most honored friend. GIVE THEIR WORDS FULL WEIGHT. You won’t always see eye to eye. You’re not supposed to be carbon copies of each other. If you were, one of you would be unnecessary. Two people who always share the same opinions and perspectives won’t have any balance or flavor to enhance the relationship. Rather, your differences are for listening to and learning from. Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse? Or are you refusing to give in because of pride? If it doesn’t matter in the long run – especially in eternity – then give up your selfish rights and choose to honor the one you love. It will be both good for you and good for your marriage (My thoughts with The Love Dare, Day 12). Sherry