Forgiveness-Then forgetting the Offense

The call to forgive is sometimes a difficult one, especially in marriage. You may not always want to forgive your spouse because harboring the hurt seems to dull the pain you feel from being rejected or offended. And yet forgiveness is the bonding material that keeps a marriage alive and moving ahead: it’s a lifetime matter. The call to be married is also the call to forgive your partner hundreds of times over the years. Forgiveness is not always fair or equitable. That’s reality. Sometimes you may feel like trying to make your partner pay for what he or she has done. Maybe you think you want your spouse to feel the scorn. After all, you were the one stung by what he or she did. But who is the loser when you don’t forgive? It’s you! You end up with a CD running inside your memory that plays the hurt over and over again and when you don’t forgive you are allowing the other person to dictate or control you. When you forgive you are allowing God to dictate or control your life. There isn’t really any comparison. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Whatever happened to you remains in your memory bank. Forgiveness is remembering, forgiving, and moving ahead in life. Eventually you move from painful remembering to historical remembering: “Yes, that happened, but it no longer impacts my life. When that happens it allows you move ahead. Forgiveness is not pretending or living in denial. You face the offense and the ensuing hurt and talk about it so it doesn’t become a repetitive pattern in your life. Remind yourself that when you truly forgive, you can no longer bring up past incidents and throw them at your partner either verbally or in your mind. Wow, that’s usually a tough one. Remember God throws your forgiven sins into the depths of the sea, so you should do likewise. “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.” Proverbs 17:9. Stay intimate with your spouse. Forgive and with God’s help work on trying to forget (My thoughts with Quiet Times for Couples, page 184). Sherry