Closed Hearts

Most married couples assume they will always be “in love” with each other. But those whose marriages end learn that their assumption was painfully and excruciatingly wrong. Not many divorced people go into marriage the first time expecting it to be perfect, but they probably didn’t think there would come a time when they felt no love at all for their spouse. They did go into marriage with open, loving hearts; but one day, usually after months or even years of heart-hardening events, the door of one heart or both spouses’ hearts slammed shut. That’s when every loving feeling was gone. Their hurts clogged their hearts. The difficulty is the confusion this produces: Does the absence of the feeling of love mean that something is wrong with me” Is it my spouse? Maybe we weren’t supposed to be married. And we start thinking maybe there is another person out there for me, but now I am not available. In every couple’s relationship, there will be times (even if for the briefest moments) when partners do not feel love for each other. The trick in not to let those moments convince you that you’ve made a huge mistake. There will be moments, when emotions don’t match the words in your wedding vows. You can love again. You need to shift paradigms and look at the situation differently. Instead of discussing feelings of love, or lack thereof ask yourself, where does love come from? Love is not chemistry or magic. Humans cannot generate love. A person’s inability to create feelings of love for a spouse is not a sign that something is wrong with either person or with the marriage. It doesn’t mean that the mate is unlovable, that the marriage is broken or that the spouse isn’t their soul mate. It is simply the reality that no love originates from humans. But very few of us are taught that freeing truth. God is the author, creator and generator of love. Love comes from God, and God is love. The only reason we can love at all is because He first poured His love into us. The point is that none of the love we talk about, write about and sing about come from within ourselves. We do not create a single drop of love. The key is it all comes from God our Creator. We cannot even love until He fills our hearts with His love. God’s love is like air – it’s all around us. God’s love flows through us when we open our hearts (My thoughts with The Heart of Remarriage, page 21-26). Sherry To be continued