A Christian Husband

Every Christian husband knows he is supposed to love his wife unconditionally. (To me that’s a huge task for him because when referring to myself, I am one that has a lot of flaws and insecurities). Loving your wife means loving her on bad-hair days, bad-mood days (encompassing many emotions), and just plain bad-everything days. The Bible tells the husband to love his wife, no matter what! On the other hand, wives are to love and respect their husbands for the same reasons. Unconditionally encompasses a wide range of areas. Respecting does not come easy for the women, but men need it: as Eggerrichs puts it, “like they need air to breathe.” Men’s desire for respect is normal, but often times he feels like he’s having a tough time getting it. It’s a deep-seated part of the way God wired men. As a man a husband wants his wife to respect you more than anyone else does. Her opinion of you counts the most, and a man needs to feel that his wife is his biggest cheerleader. In the workplace, at church and among male friends and acquaintances, respect is the code of honor you live by. Oftentimes disrespect rears its ugly head when after a long day of work, the wife starts asking you to do work around the house such as taking out the trash, asking for money, or says things like take over with the children. A man feels respected when the wife puts him first, ahead of the children, her phone calls, and her friends. For the man, living under what he thinks is pressure from his wife, feels unnatural, and often this discomfort is interpreted as disrespect. When men feel disrespected, their natural tendency is to do one of two things: (1) shut their hearts down, or (2) lash out in anger. Neither reaction is healthy, and both can do serious damage to your marriage. You and your wife need to learn to recognize what triggers feelings of disrespect in you. This is where communication comes into play. When a man feels respected, his heart can remain fully open and engaged. It will give the man satisfaction and it will lead him to loving his wife more. You need to learn to talk through situations without anger or the “I am right attitude.” A good place to begin is by praying about everything. With a thankful heart offer up your prayers and requests to God. He’s the only one that can step in and give you a calmed heart. And because you will be connected with Jesus, God will bless you with a peace that no one can completely understand. This peace will control the way you think and feel. In order to love well, you need to know what healthy love in marriage means. And if you’re truly looking, you’ll find healthy love is always connected with knowing it comes from God who is the source of all love. Men protect what you love. That doesn’t mean your “things,” it means you must protect your marriage and how you show love to your spouse. You married for love, now rethink about what may have gone wrong and communicate to fix it (without heated words). Communicating after not doing so will take thought and patience. You both will need to apologize often and forgive easily. Go beyond “I’m sorry” and ask for forgiveness. Humble yourself. When you can do so, your relationship can mend without resentment (My thought with The Heart of Remarriage, by Gary and Greg Smalley). Sherry