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Communication, not Neglect

There are times when we need to be alone, and sometimes we even need to be away from our spouse. However, an aloneness that can damage our marriage is when we keep to ourselves the things that are troubling us. Problems in marriage are both spouse's problems. When you avoid your spouse, or are distracted by your own concerns, the natural tendency is for your spouse to assume he or she is the problem. When problems are avoided it inevitably causes distance to edge in between you. A common problem occurs in marriage when one of you becomes enamored in a time-consuming activity that is self pleasing. More often than not statistics say it's the husband. It can be a variety of things with a man, but a lot of times it involves sports. And grant it, a man (usually being the bread winner) needs a relaxing time-out. The same principle though, would apply regardless of the activity and which spouse is involved in it. In this writing we'll use sports and the husband as the main illustration. The wife loves her husband and wants to spend more time with him, but she wants him to be the one who notices that he is paying too much attention to his own activities, which a lot of times is golf, and too little to her. The wife might explode with, "Your sports addiction (or TV addiction) is ruining our lives; you have no time for me." The husband immediately becomes defensive and says something like, "What do you mean?" An argument ensues and leads to more arguing, and the situation deteriorates because both (selfishly) feel they are right. She's lonesome for her husbands attention and he feels he's entitled to do "his" own thing. As you already know, men and women think in two different styles, and women will read into things, but not necessarily what the man intended in his thinking. Within the marriage there is an underlying problem with lack of communication. So many couples have this problem, but don't know what to do to fix it. It can involve many things, and one or both spouses don't feel comfortable in talking about what hurts them; or one-half of the marital equation won't talk at all. So the gap between them gets bigger with each passing day. This alone can lead to many problems. Infidelity being one. If a spouse is not happy, (but refuses to communicate) there is always someone else out there that the devil is willing to cunningly place in his or her path for temptation. That's one of the worst scenarios. It could be a number of things that puts a wedge in your marriage relationship and could possibly destroy it. How different the results would be if the husband realized he was neglecting his wife (or visa-versa). A planned date night or a kind gesture can go a long way in turning a bad situation into a happy and peaceful marriage. Being neglected hurts. Someone needs to wake up and see the selfishness in themselves. Being realistic enough to admit that is hard. Also approaching the issue in more kind ways can have an outcome that will result in smiles and will put a desire for you to want peaceful and loving times in your marriage. In the covenant of marriage, we are to help and comfort one another in prosperity and adversity. We are bound to one another in a way that no other relationship equals. There should never be room for the aloneness that excludes your spouse from your marital life's issues. God means for us to share, and communicate, and lighten each other's load. If you need a better marital relationship.....start to communicate. Begin with prayer and start where marriages should start; with that much needed connection with God - and then you can watch your marriage blossom. It's a burden on my heart to help marriages, so if you receive this weekly devotional, know I pray for you and your spouse. God leads me in this ministry. Sherry

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